If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
