my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
