He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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