2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
