pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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