Your face is a jimmy john
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
