lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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