why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
