i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
