so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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