cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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