dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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