why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
