I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
