there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
