and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
