Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
