Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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