I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
