I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
