the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
