Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
