After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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