Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
