the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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