Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
