Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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