I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
