I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
