Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
