I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
