Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
