I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
