So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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