I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
