Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
