there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
