two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
