Im at strip club and am horny
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
