I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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