i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
