Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
