I heard we made out
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
