I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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