NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
