The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
