well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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