2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Farmville is her only friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
