Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
