The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
