just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
