when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
